No Offense
by Glimare
Summary: One Shot: Someone walks up to the first four Robins in public and accuse them of something. They have no idea what on earth is going on. ATTN to regular readers: announcement at end. We need a satire catagory


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing batman. And honestly, the inspiration for this fic might want a little credit too. You know who you are, and this is about all I owe you.

I have a lot to say at the end, and I'm going to apologize right now for what I have to do later. I'm sorry, but someone's spoiled things for everyone else.

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"_He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool." - Confucius_

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**No Offence**

"NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO PAY!"

Dick, Tim, Jason, and Stephanie slowly turned their heads towards the person shouting at them, all with the same question in mind. What. The. Hell? They were just minding their own business, stealing each other's fries, talking about their times as Robin, planning pranks on Bruce and the League, and discussing what to do for Damian's one year anniversary for being Robin when this random guy in a gaudy costume came up and started ranting at them. Loudly. He was making a scene and they had no idea what was going on.

"Uhm... Who are you?" Tim tried to be polite, holding up a hand as he asked the question. The man laughed, almost like a maniac. Was he from Arkham?

"You evil fools! You didn't even bother to remember my name!"

"Refresh our memories." The third Robin's question was ignored.

"You who think yourself better than the rest of us! You who think you are so great! You who ignore the little guys! You who-"

"Okay sir," Dick insisted, getting up cautiously and coming towards him as if he was a rabid bear. "It's time for you to calm down. You're making a scene."

"I'll make a lot more than that you-" The words that followed even made Jason's eyes bulge. Steph was certain Tim would die from the colorful vocabulary, then throw up as the man explicitly insulted every single thing about them, starting with their parents. Dick was turning red, whether from embarrassment or anger they couldn't tell. All they knew was that his man was nuts.

After a minute or two of the madman's rambling, Jason leaned over to Tim and made an offer. "Can I kill him? Please? It'd shut him up and I'm sure no one would object."

"Killing is wrong," Tim repeated automatically, but there was nothing in his words. He really was ready to puke at what the guy was saying.

The even Robins shared a look, one saying they wouldn't mind getting the job done quietly. The guy was really annoying, rude, and vague. Why was he doing this? Dick was still trying to settle this peaceably, despite all the blood rushing to his head. "Sir, really, you need to calm down and talk about this rationally. You're not making any sense."

"Sense?! I'm making plenty of sense! You're just a-"

"I'm certain Cain and Abel are willing to settle this," Jason murmured under all the extra cursing and ill placed logic coming out of the man's mouth. Stephanie choked on a laugh at the names. Who named their guns after bible figures anyway? Both of them knew this would take a while, and if they weren't going to punch the guy out, they had better just walk away. Especially since the good boys were going to be losing their heads any minute now. Careful as she could, she slipped her hand into Tim's pocket, took out his wallet, and placed a large wad of cash on the table for the waitress. It would cover the food, tip, and act as an apology for the scene they somehow caused. Who was this guy anyway?

"Sir, if you would just quiet down and tell me what is really going on-" Dick was still trying to be civil. It wasn't working.

"I'll tell you what's going on!" And the man proceeded to harass them further, without telling them a single thing that made sense. Jason caught a look in Steph's eye and went over to Tim's other side, helping him get to his feet so he could start walking away. Hadn't the guy been picked on at school? Or was this what happened when kids went to rich prep schools?

"Any idea who this geezer is?" The rogue bird tried to distract the shocked one with the question, both to stop him from shooting the guy and get the teen to start moving.

"No idea," Tim murmured, starting to get out of his shock. "I'll have to use facial recognition to figure this out. Unless he's one of yours."

"Nope, not mine." Jay looked over to Stephanie. "You?"

"Don't think so." A slight grin grew on her face. "Most of the people I tick off this much just try to kill me."

"Same here."

"Lawsuits in my case," Tim noted, getting his feet underneath him. They looked at Dick, all with the same thought. "One of Dick's?"

"Oi!" With a snap, the eldest turned on them, glaring impatience. "I've never seen this man in my life! I have no clue what's going on!"

"Oh yes you do!" The crazy went on, not liking to be ignored. "You know exactly what I'm talking about! ALL OF YOU!"

"Hey!" Jason snapped at the guy, itching for his gun. "The adults are talking here! So shut the f*ck up you-"

"No need to sink to his level Jaybird." Dick cut the rogue off so he didn't take out his gun. No reason for this to get bloody. "Clearly he's delusional with a bad case of turrets."

"That's an insult to turrets," Steph murmured, trying to get the guys to move along. May as well leave this crazy to the cops. Her comment made others smirk, agreeing privately. "Let's just go."

"Probably for the best," Tim murmured, finally able to get past the excessive cursing. Jason rolled his eyes but nodded, behaving for the moment. As they turned to leave, Dick bowed to the man and grinned his best performing smile.

"So long good sir, and I wish the best to you and your kin. Especially your kin. Tata!" As they started walking away peaceably (much to the others around them's amazement), the rude man followed, shouting angrily.

"Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!" He shook a fist at them as they hurried along. Maybe they'd lose him when they got back to their cars. But looking at Tim, he was going to need a ride. Who knew he had a weak stomach for harassment? "You haven't even apologized for what you did to me!"

"Which is what?" Dick turned back to him, glaring impatience.

"Dick, just let it go," Steph insisted, looking at the crazy despairingly. "He's not worth it."

"You never said what we did to you!" the eldest continued, ignoring her sound advice.

"You know full well what happened!"

"How can I?! You've given me _nothing_ but insults!"

"Dick..."

He snapped at her, glaring frustration in every direction. "I'm not about to sit back and take a whole bunch of trash without knowing why! Aren't you the least bit curious?"

"He's delusional," Jason pointed out. "We should just put him out of his misery."

"Ignore the troll Dicky," Steph insisted, just wanting to go home.

"I am a bit curious- OW!" Both Jason and Stephanie hit him for answering. Why did these two have to be such good detectives? Rubbing his head, Tim pointed out another option. "We can just look him up later. It's probably a delusion anyway."

"I AM NOT DELUSIONAL!" The man's chaotic scream at them made them think otherwise. Jason's offer was looking rather good right then. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Who's fault?!" Dick insisted, demanding answers. "My fault? His fault? Her fault? Give me something to go on!"

"December 2011!"

The vague reference made them all blink. Turning to the others, Dick started the questioning. "Where were you guys back then?"

"Africa," Stephanie stated plainly, knocking her clear out of the blame zone. There was no way she was part of this.

"Taipei," Jason answered smartly, glad he wasn't to blame, for once. That left the good boys.

Tim scratched his head, thinking out loud. "I think I was living in Bludhaven with my fake uncle. Spent half my time in San Francisco with my friends. He has to be more specific, but I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything major to anyone. You?"

"If I wasn't in Bludhaven, I was traveling with my friends," Dick noted, remembering his time was mostly spent with the police force or the Outsiders back then. As a civilian, he pretty much didn't exist. "I was too busy to cause any problems."

"Yeah, same here." They all exchanged looks, confirming one detail. This guy was delusional.

"LIARS! THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU!" The madman pointed at them dramatically, acting more and more crazy by the second. "YOU DID THIS TO ME! YOU'RE MONSTERS!"

"Look," Jason stepped forward, tired of this, "I'm completely fine with people hating me most of the time, but it better be for good reason. Like if I tried to kill you-"

"Multiple times," Tim murmured, getting a look from his ex.

"-or if I screwed you over. But if I didn't do anything to ya," he shrugged, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but get over yourself. And leave me alone. Unless you wanna get shot."

"Please shoot him," Steph mumbled to him. "Please do."

"Okay!" Dick turned back to them with an urgent air. There would be no shooting. "Walking away now. You're right, we should just leave the crazy man alone."

"I AM NOT CRAZY!"

"Your actions say otherwise." The Robins all nodded in agreement. Wacko.

"NEVER FORGET! DECEMBER 2011!" The man was screaming at the top of his lungs, about to charge at them. Thankfully a local police officer had arrived, probably called in because someone was disturbing the peace. Thank heavens for nosey people and concerned business owners. "NEVER FORGET! YOU TYRANTS! LET ME GO! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK!"

"You also have the right to remain silent." The officer smiled politely, getting an idea of what was going on already. "Is this man-"

"Yes." All four of them carried identical expressions of frustration as they answered in unison, even before the question was completed. Dick finished it. "He is definitely bothering us."

"I think he escaped Arkham or something similar," Tim added. "No idea what set him off."

"I AM NOT CRAZY!" The guy nearly dived at the Waynes (plus one), but the cop grabbed the man's arms and shoved his wrists into handcuffs. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M A US CITIZEN! ARREST THEM! THEY'RE THE BAD GUYS! GET THEM!"

"And exactly what did they do?" Thankfully the officer had a level head.

This guy though did not. "THEY KNOW WHAT THEY DID! DECEMBER 2011! NEVER FORGET!"

The nameless cop just raised an eyebrow at the foursome, who each had their own explanation/guests.

"Had lunch?"

"Plotted revenge against our old man?"

"Was born awesome?"

"Started planning a party?"

The cop looked over them again while the man rambled on incoherently. "Is the party revenge for your dad?"

They all exchanged looks, a plot forming in their minds. "It could be..."

"We should totally make him the center of it!" Stephanie and Jason were almost ecstaticly coming up with a good plot for this. "We could play 'pin the tail on Bruce'!"

"More like pin a smile," Tim joined in, getting into it a bit.

"We should get hats," Dick contributed, grinning now from ear to ear. "Shiny party hats! With bobbles on top!"

"Then superglue it to his head," Jason added, an evil glint in his eye. "We'll tie B up and the demon can paint all over his face! And the paints have to smell like sh-"

"POO!" Steph interrupted, her smile ever growing. "That's just brilliant!"

"This is turning into a 'torture Bruce' party instead of a first year anniversary," Tim pointed out.

"Good point." Dick sighed a little as he went back to walking towards their cars. "We should have something Dami likes. Like animals. Let's have an elephant ride!"

"This party's for Damian, not you," Jason reminded him, getting a shrug in response.

"I don't think we can rent a tiger who'd give out rides at a-"

"STOP IGNORING ME!" The man who started the whole problem for the afternoon was almost writhing against the policeman being entertaining conversation. The Robins broke off from their conversation, looked back to him, then looked back to each other, a single idea forming between their minds.

This guy was a loon. Not even worth their time.

"Get used to it Troll," Stephanie stated flatly as they went back to leaving him behind. "You aren't worth the time."

"How long do people get for disturbing the peace?" Jason asked, only slightly curious.

"Not long enough," Tim concluded. Dick waved back to the cop appreciatively. They were moving on.

END

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_"If someone comes to give you a gift and you receive it not, to whom does the gift belong?" - The Gift of Insults_

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A/N: Now to explain. For the past month or so, I've been getting harassed by some anonymous poster who, after I ignored him one time stopped for a week. Then he spammed every single one of my stories with the same phrase over and over again last Sunday. I think you know the one. I finally contacted the admins about this and they haven't talked back to me, so this is me taking care of it. I wish I were as good as Confucius or the great warrior in that story, but I'm not. I'm a bit petty, but in a creative and nonvulgar way. Okay the guy didn't cuss me out, but he insulted me, my parents, and started with a vulgar 'penname' (does not have an account). He said nothing about my stories themselves, and he never explained himself. The way the Robins here reacted is the same as how I feel: confused, angry, and insulted for something I didn't do.

Either way, I am done taking this harassment. ** Starting tomorrow, I am no longer going to let guests post reviews on my work** until an undisclosed time when I think the jerk is definitely gone. I'm really sorry to do this because people can't log in all the time when they want to say something, lose their accounts, and there are a lot of reviewers who are just plain awesome out there. I have learned a lot more from helpful people who only read my stuff periodically and I like talking to people when i can. I'm coming out with the extended version of Sacrifice on the Teen Titans cartoons page and I don't want to have to deal with him while posting a 53 chapter story. I've been living in fear of posting anything for the past week and I refuse to be tormented like this. Life is hard enough without the trolls out there.

Again, sorry to all you awesome people who review without accounts. Please still read on. One day I'll open up again, but it won't be for a while. I have nothing against the rest, but one rotten apple is all it takes to ruin a bushel. The excitement I had from seeing another review on a story became fear, and I cannot let that continue. So again, I'm sorry.

To the rotten apple: grow up.


End file.
